If you and your partner are facing separation or divorce, you will want arrangements to be both fair and workable. Going through a divorce or separation can be very stressful for you and your family. In all cases, but particularly if children are involved, you will no doubt want to reach an agreement with the minimum of conflict and distress.

Family mediation helps you take control of your situation and working things out together to reach a solution that takes account of all your (and your children’s) particular circumstances. In general, solutions reached through family mediation are arrived at more quickly and less expensively than solutions reached through solicitors or by way of court proceedings.

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Mediators do not take sides or tell you what to do. During mediation, the mediator will make sure that certain grounds rules are respected, thus allowing discussions to be as balanced and productive as possible. Mediators help you gather all the relevant information and then identify and discuss the available options in an open and cooperative atmosphere. This increases the chanced for a fair and long lasting settlement.

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South West Mediation was founded in 2003 by John Loram and Vicki Lewis. They were already both experienced mediators and they recognised that mediation was fast becoming the mainstream method of helping people resolve their personal conflicts. Accordingly they felt that people looking for a mediation service wanted one where the mediators were specialists and worked to the highest professional standards. All our mediators are trained both in law and in mediation to national standards.

South West Mediation now have offices in Exeter, Plymouth, Taunton and Torquay.

Most of our referrals come from solicitors and they would be the first to send their clients elsewhere if they felt that they were not getting the best possible service. We receive over 700 referrals a year from over forty solicitors’ firms in the areas we cover. In a recent survey we conducted of all the solicitors who refer work to us, every single response assessed our service as either “excellent” or “good”. Furthermore, you can look at what people who has used us have said about our service by clicking on the appropriate pop-up.

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You will probably be the best judge of this. People who mediate with us do so at different stages in the process of separation. Some come to us when they are not even sure whether or not to separate but want to explore all the practical consequences of doing so to help them make their decision. Others come to us soon after their decision to separate, either while still living in the same house or after one of them has left the family home. Sometimes, emotions are too raw for one or other of the separating couple to consider mediation at such an early stage and they will need time to deal with the emotional consequences of the breakdown of the relationship before they can consider the practical consequences. Many come to mediation after they have taken some legal advice but others do so before seeing a solicitor. Most people start mediation before commencing legal proceedings (other than divorce proceedings) because they realise that once legal proceedings have started then the costs are likely to escalate and the adversarial nature of court proceedings may make it harder to engage in the mediation process. However, the main rule that it is never too late to mediate and we would encourage any separating couple to consider mediating whatever stage they may be at.

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No. You do not need to get on well together to sort things out. You do not even need to trust each other. What however you must share is a willingness to sort out issues.

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No. Mediation is voluntary and both parties have to want to take part in mediation. Sometimes, there may be other circumstances, such as ongoing domestic violence, which will mean that it is not possible to mediate.

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Mediators are trained to cope with power imbalances. They ensure that both of you are heard and that the process is designed to maintain a safe environment and a fair balance between both of you.

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Yes, sometimes it can be difficult but it is usually easier than the alternative court proceedings. Separation is inevitably painful and sorting out things is unlikely to be easy in the best of circumstances. However, most people recognise that it is something that has to be done and that mediation offers the best way to do it.

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Mediation can be quick with sessions arranged at even fortnightly intervals if you so wish. However, it may take time to assemble the necessary information and sometimes you may benefit from a period of reflection between sessions but it is highly likely that a mediated outcome will be achieved in much less time than it would have taken to litigate through the court process. On average, mediation sessions will take place every three or four weeks. Typically, mediations are completed between two and four months after the first session.

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At the intake or assessment meeting, you will meet with a mediator who will take basic details from you, explain the mediation process in more detail and also calculate whether you will be eligible for free mediation – and if not, will explain the potential costs to you. The initial meeting is always free and you will be under no obligation to take mediation further unless you want to. The mediator will not go into the details of your particular case at that initial meeting but will try to help you decide whether or not mediation is going to be suitable in your particular circumstances.

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All you need bring is evidence of your income and that of any person with whom you are currently living. This is needed so that the mediator can assess whether you might be eligible for free mediation. We will write to you before the initial assessment meeting to clarify exactly what documents are needed.

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We are more than happy for you to bring a friend or adult family member to the initial assessment meeting, if you are going to have that meeting on your own with the mediator. If you are going to have the meeting jointly with your ex-partner, then it would not be appropriate to have another person in the meeting. Because of the sensitive nature of the discussions, it is best for all concerned if you can make childcare arrangements so that children are not brought to the initial or any subsequent meeting. If you are not sure how best to proceed, why not give us a ring so that we can discuss it with you.

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How mediation progresses will depend on the issues that you and your ex-partner wish to resolve. Most issues fall into one of two categories – either arrangements about children or financial matters. It may be that you have issues covering both these categories.

When looking at financial matters, the first stage is to gather all the relevant financial information. The mediator will help both of you do this in order to ensure that each of you knows exactly what information you need to get. At the second stage the mediator will then put that information up on a flip chart which will present both of you with a snap-shot of your family’s current financial situation. This is a great help in beginning the process of looking at the different options for sorting out those finances. The mediator will generally have all that information typed up and attach to it the supporting documentation that each of you has obtained and relevant explanatory comments and will then send it to you and your respective solicitors so that you can then get advice about your legal position from your chosen solicitor. You need to know what the law considers is a fair solution before you and your ex-partner can begin to find a solution that is fair and workable from your point of view. It is usually at the third mediation session that the mediator can help the couple find such a solution in which case the mediator will put those proposals in writing to each of you and to your solicitor so that you can then check them out with your solicitor and if appropriate they can be turned into a binding agreement.

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Separation can be an especially difficult time for children. However, one thing that seems to be clear from the research is that it is the degree of parental conflict rather than the fact of the breakdown of the relationship that damages children. Children suffer less long-lasting emotional damage when their parents are able to co-operate over arrangements for them. A mediator can help separating parents work out a parenting plan which will cover where the children are to live and the arrangements for the other parent seeing them both in term time and in holiday periods, as well as help parents discuss any other issue affecting the children.

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We would ask that you do not bring children to either the initial assessment meeting or the actual mediation sessions. However, one of the main tasks of the mediator is to help parents focus on the needs and wishes of the children. Sometimes, the children are of an age where it may helpful to hear directly from them in which case the mediator will discuss with the parents the option of having a separate meeting just between the mediator and the child (or children). A decision to involve the children in the mediation process in this way is not taken lightly and the mediator would discuss the pros and cons with you before a decision is made. Clearly it will require the consent of both you and the children involved. Anything that is said to the mediator by the children is treated in confidence unless the child agrees to it being passed on to the parents.

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This depends on you and the complexity of your case. On average, mediations involving financial issues will take between three and four sessions. Each session lasts up to an hour and a half. Mediations involving the issues about children will normally take one or two sessions. Mediations which involve both issues about financial matters and issues concerning the children normally take on average between three and five sessions.

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Yes. A small number of separating couples who come to us have already discussed matters at some length between them and have an overall idea of the settlement they wish to make. Mediation can help because the mediator can ensure that the separating couple have taken into account all the relevant factors in reaching their joint proposals and can also present those proposals in such a way so that advising solicitors can then turn them into a watertight legally binding agreement quickly and inexpensively.

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Although mediators can put your case within a legal framework, they are not allowed to give you legal advice and you will therefore be encouraged to get advice from a solicitor at the appropriate time. You need advice from your solicitor so that you can make informed decisions. Your solicitor will give you an idea of the best and worst possible case scenarios were the matter to be dealt with by a Judge in court. Also, once you and your partner have reached a mediated settlement, you will need a solicitor to check your proposals and turn them into a binding agreement.

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We have no disabled/wheelchair access at our Exeter, Torquay or Plymouth offices but we can make alternative arrangements if you let us know your needs. Our Taunton office has offices on the ground floor but again we would suggest that you let us know your needs so that we can help you assess whether it may be more appropriate for us to make alternative arrangements.

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In Exeter and Torquay, we are very near the centre of town and there are car parks close to where we are situated. In Plymouth there is a free 2 hour parking zone outside the building where we have our offices. In Taunton, there is a public car park immediately opposite our offices and there is also free parking in nearby The Avenue for up to 2 hours.

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Family mediation is free for those who are eligible for public funding (formerly called Legal Aid) and the mediator will assess your eligibility for free mediation at the assessment meeting, which is itself without charge. You can find more details of how eligibility for publicly funded mediation is calculated as well as details of our charging policy for those who are not eligible for publicly funded mediation by clicking "mediation fees" on the menu bar.

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